Withdrawal
by Project324B21
Summary: Piper doesn't turn in Alex when she tells her she's leaving the country, instead Piper starts using heroin to deal with the pain. What will happen with she runs out of drugs and withdrawal starts? -One shot- Rated T for language and drug use.


I hope this is good! I don't know much about drugs or withdrawal so please bare with me!

* * *

I lay on the bathroom floor shaking, crying, and scratching at my arms. After throwing up for what must be the fifth time this morning, I collapsed on the floor, too weak to try to move. Withdrawal sucks. When I found a stash of heroin stored in the laundry room, I probably should had left it there. I should of walked away and forgotten all about it. Of course, I'm not known for my amazing decision making skills, so obviously that's not what I did. I instead took from that bag little by little, until it was gone. Searching the whole prison, trying to figure out where it came from, I found out that it was Vee's. The drowning sensation I felt at that moment could not have stronger. _But Vee's dead. _I thought. _How am I going to get more?_ The answer was, I wasn't going to.

Now, why did WASP-y, self-absorbed, Piper Chapman so the drugs in the first place? Easy. Heartbreak. I lost it after visitation with Alex. When she told me that she was skipping town. When she told me, she couldn't come back. When she left me, for good. I officially had no one. Alex was gone, I fell out of love with Larry, Polly and Larry fucked and I am too hurt by her actions to talk to her, my parents haven't spoken to me since I messed up Pennsatucky's face and got more time added on my sentence, and Cal, well he's wrapped up in a bubble of love with Neri. Everyone just disappeared at once. It felt like I blinked and everyone was gone. They were living their lives, and I was stuck in this shit hole of a place. It wasn't fair.

I considered ratting Alex out, many times in fact. However, I knew if I did that then I would never forgive myself and she would never forgive me. You can't just mess with someone's freedom like that. I know I will spend the rest of my life searching the newspaper for Alex's face. I will wonder everyday whether they found her, if she's dead or in jail somewhere, or if she found herself a girlfriend and is living happily. I just wanted a escape from the pain. I spent a few days moping around and hitting walls, but it just wasn't doing it for me. So, when I found the drugs, it felt like a sign from the universe. Like it was saying, I know your life sucks, so here's something for the pain. It felt like a gift.

I had spent so much of my life around heroin, my girlfriend's job revolved around it. So I had seen enough people shoot up in my life to know exactly how to cook and inject it. When I shot up for the first time, it was like all the pain disappeared, at least for a few hours. I was taken to a happy place, where no one left me, life was perfect. I was floating around in a bubble for a few hours, until it popped and I was stuck searching for that high again. My life in prison started to revolve around waiting for a opportunity to shoot up. I isolated myself from everyone, no one thought anything of it, heart break does that to people. I effectively became I junkie. It was dangerous. I knew that when I started it. I knew that it could easily kill me, that I was injecting poison into my veins. I did heroin to escape, so if it kills me, what better escape from the pain is there?

Alex is a lot like heroin. She makes me happy for a while, before we inevitably crash and start to destroy each other. We tear each other apart until there is nothing left, using every hurtful thing we can to kick the other one while they're down, and through it all, I still need her. It's like my whole body craves her, like I cant live without her. I don't want to live without her. She was the love of my life. So I substituted heroin for Alex. It wasn't at all a fair trade, but it was all I had at the time. A way to live while you're dying I guess. I felt like I was living during those few hours. Then I ran out. It was taken from me, cold turkey.

Withdrawal is hell. You have body aches and pain, nausea and vomiting, diarrhea, fevers, insomnia, you shake and sweat and cry. That is what I am currently going through, lying on the dirty bathroom floor. Hideous sobs flow out of my mouth, my arms bleed from the scratching, my prison uniform is soaked in sweat and tears. It is only now, that I regret turning to drugs. "Bloody hell, Chapman!" I hear someone exclaim. I manage to look up and see a head of crazy hair and wide eyes. Nicky walks over to me and crouches down, putting her hand on my forehead. "Shit, you're burning up. Alright Chapman, come on." Nicky grunts while trying to help me up from the floor. I lean into her still in hysterics while she leads me to the sink. "You're alright Piper. Withdrawal sucks, I know, but you're going to get through this." Nicky grabs each side of my face making me look right at her. "You are going to get clean. I gave you some space when everything with Vause went down, I was trying to find out who was taking the drugs from the laundry room. Shit, I didn't think about you taking them until I walked in here." Nicky exclaims. So she was the one who stole Vee's stash.

Nicky grabs her rag that she had brought in here to shower and wets it, running the cold water over my face. After five minutes of trying to calm me down and nothing happening, Nicky sighs. "Alright, come on Piper, you need a shower." Nicky tells me. Nicky grabs my arms and supports me as we walk to the other side of the bathroom where the showers are. "I'm going to help you okay? Don't freak out." I nod at Nicky, grateful for her presence. Nicky grabs the bottom of my khaki top and pulls it off of me, before doing the same to my long sleeve shirt. Nicky winces as she see's the blood running down my arms. She helps me take my bra, pants, and under wear off, before taking her own clothes off. She pushes me into the shower with her and closes the curtain. She turns on the water and I yelp when the ice cold water hits me.

"N-Nicky." I stutter. "Cold." I whine through my tears. "I know it's cold. It will help sober you up though. Believe it or not, sometimes you have to treat withdrawal like you treat trying to sober up after a lot of alcohol." Nicky stood with me and helped me wash my hair and body, and after a while the crying had stopped and I was feeling at least a little human. "Will you be okay for a few minutes Chapman? I'm going to go get you some clothes that aren't soaked in sweat." I nod at her and she quickly leaves the bathroom. I stand under the cold water and look down at the track marks on my arms. Only a few minutes after she left, Nicky comes back with my clothes. "Alright, turn off the water and come here." Nicky instructs. I do as she asks and she hands me a towel to dry off with. I shiver slightly as I dry off and get dressed.

"Feeling a little better?" Nicky asks. I nod. "Yes, thank you Nicky." I whisper. She gives me a sympathetic look before opening her arms up wide. "Come here Piper." I practically fall into her arms, she hugs me tight for a long time before pulling back and looking at me. "I know you're hurting right now, and you think you're alone but that's not true. You have a family in here Chapman, and we will help you. I not going to let you kill yourself over Vause, and if I ever see her again, I am going to beat the shit out of her." Nicky tells me seriously. "Come on, you've lost a lot of weight, I know it's hard but you need to eat something. It's lunch time." I nod and walk with her to the cafeteria. I walk through the line, grab my tray, and follow Nicky to my old table.

"Hey Chapman, it's nice to have you back." Morello greets me with a smile. I smile back at her and stare down at my food. Even the smell of it makes my stomach churn. "Baby steps Piper. Start with the cornbread." Nicky tells me. I nod at her and pick up the bland corn bread, slowly nibbling at it. After I eat a little over half of it I put it down and look over at Nicky. "If I eat other bite, I'm going to get sick." I tell her. Nicky nods and picks up my cup of water handing it to me. "You'll get dehydrated." She says. I nod and sip on the water until it is gone. I see the rest of the people shoot Nicky confused looks, Nicky shakes her head at them, silently telling them, not now. Just like that, the table snaps back to normal, I smile slightly watching Nicky and Boo playfully banter about women while Lorna shakes her head at them.

Maybe, just maybe, I will be okay.

* * *

-NICKY'S POV-

The last few days have been hell. I have been running around helping Piper through her withdrawal. I hate seeing her go through this. I remember how I was going through it and I know how much pain you have to be in to turn to that. Damn, Vause. I swear if I had the chance I would kill her. I mean, I know that Piper has done some fucked up things too, but she honestly had a reason. At least she did for leaving Alex, choosing Larry I still don't understand. But Alex, instead of asking someone for help, telling someone that Kubra was after her, she runs out of the country. Asking for help would hurt her pride too much.

I walk into Piper's cube, sighing when I see her curled up in her bed, crying quietly. I walk over to her and gently pull her to sit upright before sitting down and letting her lay her head on my lap. I stroke her hair while she cries and shakes, I see her clutch at her stomach as a sharp cry comes out of her mouth and I reach down to massage the muscles of her stomach to try and relieve some of the pain. "It's okay Piper. It will be over soon. Just a couple more days and you should be fine." I whisper to her. She nods into my lap, I look down at her and see her eyes drooping. I continue to stroke her hair until she is asleep. I get tears in my eyes looking at the black circles under her eyes, and the bones that are protruding against her skin. How could I have not noticed this? I think of Piper as a sister, but I missed this huge thing. I was too wrapped up worrying about Red and trying to get revenge on Vee. Not knowing that my revenge would cause this. I sigh and place a light kiss on Pipers forehead. "I'm so sorry Piper." I whisper.

"Piper?" A voice whispers. My head snaps up and I glare at the face I see. She steps closer to Piper and I put my hand up. "Don't you dare take another step towards her." I whisper through gritted teeth. "What's wrong with her?" I growl low in my throat at that question. I slowly lift Pipers head, trying not to wake her, before resting it on her pillow. I shove Alex out of the cube and look over at Lorna. "Lorna, will you please watch over Piper while I'm gone?" Lorna nods before walking into Piper's cube and sitting on the floor next to her bed. "You-" I point at Alex. "Come with me. Now." When she shakes her head and takes a step to go to Piper, I grab the front of her orange uniform, and drag her out of the room to the chapel. The only place where there is some privacy. I shove her to sit in one of the pews and start to pace in front of her.

"What the hell, Nicky? I need to go talk to Piper! What's wrong with her?" Alex yells. Before I realize what I'm doing, my hand swings forwards and punches Alex in the face. Alex's head snaps to the left, while her hands come up to cradle her right cheek. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Alex exclaims.

"Me?!" I shriek at her. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Alex looks at my confused. "How could you just leave Piper like that, not knowing whether you're dead or alive. Do you know how much you've hurt her?" I scream at her. Alex flinches at the loudness of my voice. "Look Nicky, I didn't have a choice, okay?" I cut her off before she could continue. "Bullshit! You had a choice! You could have told somebody that Kubra was after you but no, your head is stuck too far us your ass to ask for help! You ran and abandoned the one person you were supposed to love the most!" Alex stands up and gets in my face.

"Are you forgetting that she did the same thing to me in Paris?" Alex yells shoving me backwards. "Yes, she left you because you had practically abandoned her first! All you cared about was your job! She was left alone most of the time! Then, the best part, you started treating her like a drug mule! Yes, her timing was shit, but if she hadn't of left then, she never would have been able to!" I yell. "Look, I'm going to go apologize to her, she will be okay once we talk it through." Alex states calmly.

"Wow. You really don't fucking get it, do you Alex? Piper started using because of you!" I scream, tears of anger streaming down my face. Alex looks at me in total shock. She leans her back against the wall and slides down onto the floor. "Using what?" Alex whispers. "Heroin. How do you feel now Alex?" I spit at her. "For the past week she has been going through withdrawals. She's been through hell, the most important people of her life abandoned her. Now, she will never be the same." I whisper the last part angrily. I watch Alex's face as guilt and pure anguish crosses it. All of a sudden she turns and punches the wall multiple times. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Alex screams while punching the wall with each word. After her temper tantrum, she curls up into a ball and starts crying.

"What have I done?" She cries out. "I never meant to hurt her like that." I shake my head at her. "Why are you here Alex?" I ask. "I got caught trying to leave the state." I nod at her. "How long are you going to be here for?" I inquire. "Two years." She whispers. "Well, do us all a favor, and stay the fuck away from Piper." I tell her before walking out of the chapel. I don't fail to notice the sob that makes its way out of Alex as I am leaving. I wipe my tears and walk back to the dorms. I walk to Piper's cube and see Boo hanging onto Piper, while Lorna is crouched down in front of her trying to calm her down. Piper is thrashing in Boo's arms, repeatedly crying "Alex." I sit next to Piper and look at Boo and Lorna. "What happened?"

"Piper woke up and heard one of the girls say that Vause was back. She immediately got out of bed and tried to go find her. I tried to stop her but couldn't, so Boo stepped in." Lorna explains. "Shit." I curse. I motion for Lorna to scoot over and I crouch down right in front of Piper. "Piper?" I timidly talk to her. She looks at me and the look on her face, nearly breaks me heart. "You don't need to talk to her. She hurt you really bad, you need to focus on getting better, and staying clean, okay? I won't let her hurt you again, I won't lose you." A few tears make their way down my cheeks as I talk to her.

"I need to talk to her Nicky. I need to see that she's alive and okay. I know she hurt me but, I love her." Piper cries. "How could you love someone when all they do is hurt you?" I question her. "I hurt her too. I can't explain what we have, it's passionate and crazy, but I love her so much. She's my person." Piper struggles to explain. "I can't stop you from talking to her, but if she hurts you again, I swear I will kill her." I say through gritted teeth. "Just, please don't Piper." I plead. She frowns at me, wipes her tears, kisses me on the head, shrugs Boo off of her, and walks away. "Fuck!" I yell hitting the mattress. "Please don't hurt her." I whisper.

* * *

-PIPERS POV-

I walk around the prison, searching for the dark haired beauty, and crying from frustration at not being able to find her. I'm about to give up, until I hear familiar cries coming from the chapel. I slowly turn and walk into the room, more tears falling when I see a her curled into a ball on the floor, sobbing harder than I have ever seen her cry before. I look down and see blood on her hand, I look up and see blood on the wall too. "Alex?" I hesitantly call out. Her head snaps up to look at me. My heart breaks at seeing the pain on her face. I also notice that her cheek is swelled up slightly.

"Piper?" She asks in disbelief. I nod and walk over to her, I sit down in front of her. "Piper, Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" Alex wraps her arms around me crying. I wrap my arms around her and start sobbing too. We sit there for over an hour, holding each other and crying. Eventually we both calm down and pull back from each other. "We have a lot to talk about." I whisper to her. She nods her head. "I know and I understand if you hate me, I will understand if you don't want anything to do with me." She tells me. She winces at her own words, but doesn't take them back. "That's the thing Alex. You hurt me, so much, you left me when I didn't have anyone left. You picked illegal shit over me, again. I was so messed up that I turned to heroin, Alex. Heroin. I've spent the last week suffering from withdrawal, and even with all of this. I can't bring myself to hate you." I admit. "I want to hate you so bad. Everyone has been talking bad about you lately. Everyone is pissed because of what you did, but even while they are insulting you, I want to jump up and defend you. Because I love you Alex. I love you so fucking much that I can't breathe without you. I love you so much it hurts."

"I love you too Piper. I know I fucked up. I was scared and instead of asking for help, I ran. I'm a fuck up Piper. I don't know how to handle things like that. I thought for sure I was dead either way. I shouldn't have left you, not knowing. It was cruel to do that to you. I wasn't thinking about how it would effect you. I knew how hard things were for you and I still left. I saw the pain on your face when I told you I was leaving and I still left. It's my fault you knew how to shoot up. It's my fault you did shoot up. This is all my fault, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for it. I promise. I will never forgive myself for doing this to you." Alex cries. I cup her cheeks and lean in to kiss her lightly.

"This isn't anywhere near fixed, and I don't forgive you." Alex nods as more tears fall down her cheeks. "But we will work on it. You can start by helping me through my withdrawal, and be nice to Nicky. She is pissed at you, and she will probably give you shit, but she was there for me when you weren't. This has hurt her too. She won't admit it, but it hurt her to lose her best friend like that. So you better be apologizing to her too." I tell her. Alex nods and cracks a little smile at me.

"She already cursed me out and punched me in the face." Alex tells me. "I deserved it." She shrugs. "Yes you did." I agree. Alex leans her head on my shoulder and looks up at me. "Are we going to be okay?" She whispers.

"I hope so, Al, I really hope so."

* * *

Well...There you have it! I hope you liked it! Reviews are very welcome! I am working on the sequel to The Mile High Club right now. I just felt like writing some angst tonight. I've been dealing with some depression. Thank you for reading! -Samya


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